Thursday, March 29, 2007

Dearest Mama...


Dear Mama, How was your day in heaven Ma? I’m sure you feel happier right now with Eyang Kakung and Eyang Putri, with Mama Kadir, Bude Suster, Tante Lies, and especially with our Little Angel, Dek Adi.

It’s been 1000 days since we lost you. Yet it all seems like just last night I watched you fade away. That day I still remember clearly, I was dazed and shocked, I tried to figure out what's happening and what should I do now without your presence. When I lost you Ma, I felt like I lost everything at once. No one could ever describe how empty I feel inside. I often wonder why we didn’t have more time. I still need you to teach me everything about how and why, about that and this. There are lots of things I need to talk with you about. And there’re still lots of things I need to do to make you happy and proud of me.

I miss you so much Ma. I’m sure you already know that nowadays I have a lot of anger and sadness inside with the emptiness in my life. And there are so many times I still just want to pick up the phone & call you. Ma, I’d be the happiest person on earth just to hear your voice and talk to you again. Every so often I just wonder what you would say to me if I told you about my stories, both sad and happy stories. I wonder what you would do if you know that I really want to see you and hug you tightly.



1000 days and nights pass me by and still, I can not forget the good times we shared, the cherished memories we had. I remember every single food that you’d cooked by your own soft hands and creativities. Moreover they’re all turned out to be very very delicious foods we ever eat and always made us to ask for more.

I remember the time when we were joking around and making fun of each other, off course not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. We just laughed and laughed.

I remember the smile on your face, the way your eyes were glowing brightly when you talked about your activities during your days, or when you told me about your lovely friends and funny stories you’d heard.

I remember that you always liked to say some unique words that only you and Ibu (my Auntie) who really understand the meaning and we just called that kind of words as ‘istilah primitif’. And then you tried to convince us by explaining the meaning of those words and made us believe that those words are really exist, and then we just started laughing together. What a happy time we had during those moments.

But the saddest thing is I also still remember the pain you had to endure for last couple years of your life, and the courage it took for you to make it through another day. But through the pain, you always kept your eyes and your faith on Jesus.


Mama, on this day, I would love to send you your favorite flowers, white carnations, though they could not be compare to the gorgeous places and sounds of Heaven and your own carnation garden over there.

Miss all the things you did for us Ma, and thank you for taught us one by one, about The Lord God up above, and of Jesus His own son. Thank you for always stay inside my heart and visit my dreams. Thank you for your pray from up above so I could have more courage and strength to face my day. I hope someday in heaven we get the chance to meet again. We love and miss you very much.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Kebiasaan-kebiasaan baru...

Haiyaa..long time no see..long time no hear..hehehe. Pasti alasan klise lagi nih yang mau diaju'in agnes, sibuk, males, ga ada bahan:P

Adaptasi dengan suasana baru, ritme and intensitas kerja yang baru, ternyata butuh waktu, butuh kemampuan mengatur stabilitas emosional yang kadang membuncah dan kadang meredup. Namanya juga orang hidup, harus bisa dan mau maju, konsekuensinya ya harus selalu siap berhadapan dengan segala hal yang baru.

Hal itu tidak hanya berlaku di dunia kerja, atau pergaulan saja. Sama halnya juga dengan berkeluarga, aktivitas2 baru yang sepantasnya dan sebaiknya dilakukan bersama ya harus dibiasakan sejak awal. Misalnya nih, masak bersama, bersih2 rumah bersama, jalan2, belanja bersama, berdoa bersama, cerita2, sharing,dll. Semua yang dilakukan bersama, pasti hasilnya lebih menyenangkan. Kebiasaan2 baru yang seperti itulah yang musti diciptakan sejak awal membentuk keluarga dan mudah2an bisa berjalan seterusnya.

Hehehe..satu hal yang sebenarnya agak lucu yang agnes dan joni sering lakukan bersama, yaitu kadang kalau waktunya tidur malam, agnes minta joni untuk bercerita seperti layaknya seorang anak minta diceritain dongeng sama ayahnya.. Dan biasanya agnes yang menentukan tema ceritanya...hahaha...konyol ya?! Alasannya? Biar nanti kalo ditodong anaknya udah gak bingung lagi bikin cerita mendadak..hehehe!-agnes

Thursday, March 15, 2007

To be a better man

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

(Robbie Williams)

"To be a better man"
mm.... It's really nice song, that is a dream for every man to do that...
It's easy to say,.. but it's really hard to do it
If you wanna realize that, this song is really good as illustration
-joni

Friday, January 26, 2007

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus


Sudah nonton film tahun kemaren yang berjudul‘Break Up’?

Setelah nonton film ini, agnes seperti diingatkan kembali kalo pria dan wanita punya cara berkomunikasi dan jalan pikiran yang berbeda satu sama lain.

Film yang dibintangi oleh Vince Vaughn dan Jennifer Aniston, one of my favourite actress, membuat agnes teringat pengalaman pribadi agnes dan pengalaman beberapa teman agnes yang sering curhat tentang suami/istri or pacar mereka. Si A pengen ini tapi pasangannya malah gitu, atau si B yang merasa tidak diperhatikan sama sekali padahal pasangannya (yang juga curhat ma agnes) merasa kalo sudah memberikan perhatian sepenuhnya untuk si B..

Film 'Break Up' memang mengangkat tema yang tidak jauh dari kehidupan kita sehari2. Setelah melihat film itu, rasanya agnes dipaksa untuk bercermin pada kehidupan agnes..film yang bagus untuk mengingatkan kita tentang pentingnya saling memahami dan menomorsatukan keterbukaan dengan pasangan.

Kalo memang kita tidak mau hubungan kita dengan orang terkasih hancur gara2 kita tidak mau saling mengerti dan memahami 'bahasa' yang digunakan pasangan untuk menunjukkan kasih sayang mereka, maka kemungkinan besar hubungan kita akan diperburuk dengan perasaan terabaikan, perasaan benci, perasaan sedih, perasaan adanya ketidakadilan dalam memberikan kasih sayang, dan perasaan2 negatif itulah yang akan memunculkan pertengkaran, permusuhan, dan akhirnya perpisahan...

Dari awal, agnes dan joni berusaha untuk saling memahami 'gaya' berkomunikasi masing2, walaupun kadang masih ada kejadian misinterpretation, tapi kita berusaha untuk tetap belajar dan terus belajar..

Just remember that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus... -agnes


Monday, January 22, 2007

wanita, karier, dan peran seorang ibu

wuuih...sempet vakum lama juga yah..
ga ada ide nulis sih (alesan yang dibuat2..bilang aja males..hehe)

Kali ini agnes lagi pengen ngobrol tentang wanita karier..sempet kepikiran beberapa hari ini tentang hal itu, gara2 sempet baca forum web dimana agnes ikut jadi membernya..

Cita-cita agnes sih pengen jadi istri bekerja a.k.a wanita karier...karena kayaknya sayang banget ilmu yang udah didapet ga dimanfaatin di dunia kerja..
Tapi kalo mikir tentang anak...wah..susah juga ya..pertama sih mikirnya pasti bisa diatasi, ngatur waktu, masih ada weekend, dsb..
Tapi apa iya semudah itu....belum kalo jadwal kerja yang overtime..nglembur..tugas luar kota..meeting...
Kadang ragu juga...bisa ga ya jadi both a good mom and a professional worker...

Apa iya agnes rela mengorbankan kebahagiaan si anak hanya untuk ambisi pribadi?
Agnes juga belum bisa membayangkan kalo harus stay at home 24/7...kayaknya itu bukan agnes...

Ada ketakutan dan kekhawatiran plus keinginan menjadi ibu yang baik dan wanita bekerja yang sukses...tapi apakah mungkin semua itu bisa berjalan bersama dengan baik...
Mungkin bisa...dan yang bisa melakukan hal itu bagi agnes adalah seorang Super Woman (Super Mom)...nah apakah agnes bisa menjadi salah satu 'super woman' itu....

I hope...I wish... -agnes