Dearest Mama...

Dear Mama, How was your day in heaven Ma? I’m sure you feel happier right now with Eyang Kakung and Eyang Putri, with Mama Kadir, Bude Suster, Tante Lies, and especially with our Little Angel, Dek Adi.

It’s been 1000 days since we lost you. Yet it all seems like just last night I watched you fade away. That day I still remember clearly, I was dazed and shocked, I tried to figure out what's happening and what should I do now without your presence. When I lost you Ma, I felt like I lost everything at once. No one could ever describe how empty I feel inside. I often wonder why we didn’t have more time. I still need you to teach me everything about how and why, about that and this. There are lots of things I need to talk with you about. And there’re still lots of things I need to do to make you happy and proud of me.

I miss you so much Ma. I’m sure you already know that nowadays I have a lot of anger and sadness inside with the emptiness in my life. And there are so many times I still just want to pick up the phone & call you. Ma, I’d be the happiest person on earth just to hear your voice and talk to you again. Every so often I just wonder what you would say to me if I told you about my stories, both sad and happy stories. I wonder what you would do if you know that I really want to see you and hug you tightly.



1000 days and nights pass me by and still, I can not forget the good times we shared, the cherished memories we had. I remember every single food that you’d cooked by your own soft hands and creativities. Moreover they’re all turned out to be very very delicious foods we ever eat and always made us to ask for more.

I remember the time when we were joking around and making fun of each other, off course not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. We just laughed and laughed.

I remember the smile on your face, the way your eyes were glowing brightly when you talked about your activities during your days, or when you told me about your lovely friends and funny stories you’d heard.

I remember that you always liked to say some unique words that only you and Ibu (my Auntie) who really understand the meaning and we just called that kind of words as ‘istilah primitif’. And then you tried to convince us by explaining the meaning of those words and made us believe that those words are really exist, and then we just started laughing together. What a happy time we had during those moments.

But the saddest thing is I also still remember the pain you had to endure for last couple years of your life, and the courage it took for you to make it through another day. But through the pain, you always kept your eyes and your faith on Jesus.


Mama, on this day, I would love to send you your favorite flowers, white carnations, though they could not be compare to the gorgeous places and sounds of Heaven and your own carnation garden over there.

Miss all the things you did for us Ma, and thank you for taught us one by one, about The Lord God up above, and of Jesus His own son. Thank you for always stay inside my heart and visit my dreams. Thank you for your pray from up above so I could have more courage and strength to face my day. I hope someday in heaven we get the chance to meet again. We love and miss you very much.